Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
