i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
