I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
