I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
