it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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