So drunk, too bad you don't want this
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
