why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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