girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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