dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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