Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
