I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
