She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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