first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
