you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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