Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
