I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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