"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
