I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
