do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
