hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
