I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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