Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
