I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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