My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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