I have demons in me.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
