I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
wow bdsm is so cute
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
