Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
