I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
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you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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