Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
