She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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