I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
