ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
