Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
