wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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