I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
