Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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