He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just want to make out with him forever
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
