My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
