If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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