How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
