Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
