Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
