There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
