Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
