I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Randomize
