I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
