why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
