a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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