I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
