wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
