Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
