I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
