OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
