Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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