We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
