Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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