Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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