At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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