If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.