i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I party with great urgency now.
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