we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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