Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
