Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
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Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
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Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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