Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times