So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
