Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
