You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
