I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
