i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
